Hi friend!

It's time! My relationship survey is ready.

Before you respond (if you want!)I would like to explain why I created a survey and my intentions.

I decided to create a survey because, as a first year teacher, I have so little time to get my needs met that after work I am too exhausted to see friends and family like I used to. I spend all day emptying my bucket of love and joy and positivity on my students that when I get home, it's empty. As someone whose love language is quality time, not having the time or energy to do things with the people I love makes me feel so guilty and so unloved.

I have always believed strongly in work-life balance, but at this place in my career, it feels impossible. I want to give as much as I can to my students, I want to give as much as I can to family and friends, I want to give as much as I can to the planet, and yet, I have to get my needs met.

I learned the hard way what can happen if I do not get my needs met for an extended period of time. It's not cute.

Recently, I haven't been getting my needs met, and I have been trying to figure out what to do about it. I tend to isolate myself in these moments. I feel negative emotions and don't want to bring others down with me. I tend to start writing a lot. In the past, I used to just write it in a journal and never tell anyone.

I had a few experiences where people reacted defensively instead of seeing the feelings and needs beneath my behavior, and decided that people didn't care about my problems. I stopped trusting those people. A few years later my friend told me, "If you think you care about other people, then how can you think that other people don't care about you." She was right.

I now think that those people who reacted defensively also needed help. As Tony Robbins said, "When people respond, they have two choices. It's either a response of love or a call for help." If both people need help, then it's kinda impossible to help each other.

You can only give love if you have love to give and you only have love to give if you are getting your needs met, which is really self-love, which is also called self-care.

I think that friends and family are a necessary part of your support system that help you care for yourself. We need each other to survive and thrive. People change and move and grow so it's perfectly normal to come in and out of your life, but either way you still need to get your needs met.

For the last two years I have been learning how to identify what my needs are and communicate about them with trial and error. I have also been trying to strengthen my support system and in a way, I hope, strengthen yours. Moving countries, moving house, and starting a new career as a teacher, my support system is all over the place. Literally. You guys are in like six different countries.

Also some things I am doing I have never been interested in before, and thus I need to make new relationships to help support me in them. Or I just need to ask the people who are already in my life if these are your interests too. (Cough, cough survey)

In the survey I have listed my wellness needs using the six dimensions detailed by the National Wellness Institute (physical, spiritual, social, occupational, intellectual and emotional). If you are wondering, I consider my interests part of my intellectual, occupational, and spiritual needs :P.

If you would like to, please read through the list and check off the ones that you are working on too and would like to help support each other in getting our needs met in that area.

If one of my needs isn't something you are working on, that is totally okay! Things change, people change! Who knows, maybe someday we'll come back around. Even though we might not have the same interests and needs right now, we are still friends.

As your friend/family, I want you to do what you need to do to be happy and healthy, and I hope you want the same for me.

I'm pretty sure when you look through my wellness needs and interests, you'll understand why we've stayed in touch all these years! Or why we haven't... :P

Here's the link for the survey again!

Love you lots,

Sammy

three assorted-color monkey plastic toys holding each other during daytime — Photo by Park Troopers on Unsplash

Sincerely Sammy

Relationship Survey